Know This…
Why I Post About You.
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Dearest Frankie Jane,
I must have written this first letter to you about 5 times. It feels like I’ve also drafted it in my mind over 100 times. When I was content with what I’d written, I saved it. When this site was ready I went back to upload it to find that it was no longer there for me to retrieve. Bummer right? Nah, not really. I took it as God’s way of telling me I could do better.
The truth is, even way before I had this long awaited epiphany of Filocco Haus, my ultimate passion project, I contemplated very deeply on whether I was going to want to share you with the world or if I’d keep you all to ourselves. I felt this immense sense of guilt that I would be ruining your experience on this Earth somehow and felt one day you might resent me for it. I find myself so helplessly enamored with all your awesome ways. You are a natural born charmer (you get that from both sides of the family). And, I have the this intuition that you know this very well, even for someone as new as you. It goes without saying, for someone like myself who is always in creative mode, I just feel the need to document all these incredible experiences and memories with you, for you. You are a living, breathing, wildly beautiful work of art. Thus, the irresistible desire to leave a trail of your existence for the record of mankind.
Whenever I share you with the world, I make a conscious decision of why. My why for posting content of you as with all things in our life as a family, has to have a multi-purpose component in it for us to make the investment. In other words, if I feel what is going on, on any given day is an important lesson or inspiration for our family, other families, or someone who is working towards creating a family of their own…then I conceptualize a piece of content that is authentic to that experience and lesson without taking away from that moment. It’s actually pretty challenging because most of the time the process happens instantaneously. Papa helps with this. From the very first photos and videos of you, I slowly familiarized you with whatever device I was using and tell you, “Let’s take a picture” or “Let’s record this” and I would tell you if it was for Grandma + Grandpa, Abuela, Aunties + Uncle. If it made sense to post for our project, I’d tell you that too. I always show you and playback whatever images we take of you. Needless to say, you get a kick out of them and can now even swipe or replay them yourself.
Of course, I realize this is something as a baby you wouldn’t quite grasp at first. But…over time, you have a pretty good understanding. For me, it is also important to observe and read for any cues that I could take from your body language and tone if you were up for being photographed or filmed. I’ve always felt we’re so connected, to me it’s like I always know when something is wrong or making you uncomfortable. The key is to try my hardest to stay mindful. Papa helps with that too. Anyway, in this aspect I’m pleased that you are able to flat out tell me, “Mommy, no photo.”
I confess to you, that in a way I broke this rule over Christmas this year because I said, “Let’s record you decorating your tree to share.” You didn’t say no and you happily began to decorate your little tree. It wasn’t until 10+ seconds later you shook your head no and told me, “No take a picture.” At once, I turned the camera off. I respect you so much. However, I did send the video to Grandma for inside joke reasons. I could live with that. But then, I posted it. I only posted it because I was so pleased with this impromptu idea of using pom poms for toddlers to easily decorate their own baby Christmas trees. It just felt too fun and cool to pass up. I kid you not, I feel guilty about posting it to this day. And so, with this confession I promise you not to do this again.
Yesterday, you surprised me like you do time and time again. While we were prepping an arts + craft activity that you’ve enjoyed a couple times now, you kept repeating to me, “Pictures today! Pictures today Mama!” I couldn’t believe it…actually I did because you’re mine, and I know you more than anyone else ever will. You have figured it out and now are taking control of what you want to showcase for yourself! To which, I said, “Okay, let’s do it!”
Oh, and then there was the whole question of whether to post your name. Knowing how many sick people exist in the world, it’s a pretty scary feeling in terms of your safety. For a while, we opted for a nickname just to be on the safe side. But, then it just seemed inevitable that your name would be out there whether by us or someone else. This doesn’t negate the fact that I often still think about your safety and the internet. We’ve both encountered and learned opposite sides of the spectrum between parents and choosing how they address the issue of their child(ren) and social media, etc. I feel like your father and I have kind of just fallen somewhere in the middle. Quite frankly, Frankie Jane Filocco ;-) choosing your name was one of the most poetic experiences in our lives, and it goes hand in hand with the essence of your beauty.
I mean…basically, as your parents we feel you are destined for greatness. It is up to us to help guide you and set you up for success, so that one day you can do all the things you desire to do. Remember we’ve always gotchu. We can only ask that you go about your life without ever having doubts, Mama and Papa tried their VERY BEST for you.
Ps. Yesterday, Papa, You and I (in that order) were snuggled up in your reading nook tent thingy we put in your room. We’d just finished reading your bedtime stories and talking with your “little pals” (stuffed animals) that Papa and I make voices up for, Ha! You got up to grab your pretend phone with the camera shot sound across the room. It was dark and we had the star projector going. Little stars of green (your choice of star colors lately) were orbiting the ceiling. As you were coming back towards us they passed by your smiling dimple face looking at us saying, “Smiiiiile…say cheeeeeese!”. We naturally and immediately wrapped our arms around each other and pretended to pose for you, and said, “Cheese!” I mean, why wouldn’t we? It was the first photo you’ve ever taken. I must have died and went to heaven, it felt so good. I feel, that moment showed me you understand my why…you too felt the warm loving energy and had those same happy thoughts that gently pokes at us to capture these moments.
And that’s it. That’s all I want you to know in this regard. At least, for now. As this is all we know.
Yours Truly,
Mama + Papa Filocco
XOXO, Stells
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